One of the very first questions asked to a new submissive is “What are your limits?” For the new submissive, it is a quite meaningless question because she doesn’t know the answer since she was never tested before. She might say that “We have no limits.”

Only two types of people can give the statement that they don’t have any limits. One who is very new to this lifestyle and have absolutely no experience and the second who is masochistically insane.

Every sensible human does have limits. There are or should be some certain limits that should be followed by others. A limit that shouldn’t be violated by anyone to retain the belief of an individual in himself or herself and the people around them is called as Hard Limits. These limits won’t get changed in the near future or sometimes during the whole life.

The most basic hard limits are No Dead People, No Animals, and No Children. Those who refuse to follow these limits violate state law, they violate the basic guidelines of BDSM community, and they violate the basic rights of an individual. Those do not have any relation with our community and they are not a part of us. Only Soft Limits can be stretched if desired.

Some of the people believe that these things are very easy to understand and everyone can understand them on their own, which is a wrong belief. One shouldn’t assume that the next person will understand the basic limits since there are some people who take “No Limits” as an invitation to destroy the next person.

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While searching a new partner, it is very important to look for an individual who agrees with your basic limits, so you won’t have any problems in the future. When you discuss your limits with another person, be pointed, specific and straightforward. Never hesitate to state your limits or you are providing a chance to someone you don’t know very much and can’t trust blindly.

Hard limits are known as Hard because they won’t change and one doesn’t have the right to stretch them. The violation of any hard limit will not only affect the relationship, but the individual who broke them might face criminal charges. One thing you need to understand is that you can state as much hard limits as you wish. Every person is a unique and has their own rules.

Read More: What are the Silent Safewords?

When a Dom wants you to have no limits, it means two things. The first one is that he or she considers the submissive have no value and desires. He wants to destroy the submissive either mentally or physically. The second one is that he wants no limits except the hard limits you have shared with them, which is completely okay. How to understand the meaning? Just ASK them! If they tell you that there should be absolutely no limits, then you need to leave him immediately.

Another good way to understand the intentions of your Dom is to notice if they try to limit your access to information and BDSM community. A good Dom always supports you to attend the community events and stay updated with the latest information. It is considered healthy to remain active within the community and support each other.

However, a Dom can restrict his submissive from one or two individuals if the Dom believes that they are destroying the relations or their company is not good for the submissive. If the Dom stops you with such intentions, then you shouldn’t take it wrong. If this situation occurs, the Dom needs to allow the submissive with other people. He can also help the submissive in building new contacts.

At the END, make sure that you state your hard limits very carefully and then stick to them. A good Dom will always respect your limits and never try to stretch them. On the other hand, if you ever notice that your Dom is trying to stretch the hard limits, don’t take it in a light manner. Sit on a table with him and clearly tell that you are not going to tolerate this thing ever.

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