Topics

My self satisfying history. I’m an adult, heterosexual widowed male. When I was 10 or 11 all the guys in my neighborhood were jerking off and talking about it. I had to admit I hadn’t done it yet. The most I did was touch my erection, but no more. Finally one afternoon I decided to to it in the bathroom. Not knowing what it would be like, I stopped when the first few drops came out and I figured that was it. So a few nights later in bed I fondled my cock again and it exploded. Wow. That’s what everyone was talking about. From that day on, I jerked off almost every day of my life except for my time in boot camp. No privacy plus too tired anyway. Shortly after learning how to stroke myself I lightly slapped it for a while one day and it exploded like when I stroke it. So, for several years this was my preferred method. I continued to masturbate while I had girlfriends and even after getting married. My wife knew I did and even though our sex life was great and often, I sometimes jerked off early when I woke up and sometimes she would start me off and either finish me or get up and leave me to finish. Later in life when her libido waned, she would give me full massages ending with my orgasm. Several years ago my wonderful wife passed on and I miss her dearly. Over the years, I occasionally put on a pair of panties in the bathroom and it gave me a rush. So after my wife’s passing I tried on a pair of her panties. Another rush. So I started buying different panties in department stores and on line. I even bought some lingerie, bras, stockings, garter belts etc. Real heaven. So a year ago I hooked up with a mature lady online, a widow, so we had lots in common. Over time we shared so much I let her know about my thing with panties etc. That’s when she told me she did a D/s thing with her late husband. We discussed this subject. I actually had fantasies over the years about being dominated so this situation was icing on the cake. We were getting serious and we had this other interest in common. She asked if she could be a Dom and me a Sub. Very exciting so she started off with how I should address her and how to behave. So she asked for my commitment and complete obedience and I said I was willing. She said no touching my cock, which she referred to as my clit, and my balls as my pussy, as I had to be feminine. I hesitated, believing she meant never to touch my self, but she said that would come later, so I gave her control. She started with orders not to ask anything or tell her anything unless allowed. Everything was “Yes Ma’am or No Ma’am. She owned me. A very comforting feeling, knowing someone else whom I trusted was making decisions for me. My cock was her “clit”, my balls were her “pussy” and my anus was her “vagina”. Every morning I had to send an email report. She would comment on it, my mistakes or my “good girls”. The “good girls” gave a rush and goose bumps. I would get orders for the day and would answer her text messages during the day and we had phone calls at night occasionally. “Good girl you’re learning” was wonderful to read in her emails. We had phone calls and her voice was slow, deep and stern, but loving. One night she demanded phone sex. She told me the kind of dirty talk she needed and finally had her orgasm. Of course I didn’t have permission. I was very excited and sexually stimulated 24 hours a day, still not masturbating per orders, but per her orders, putting my “clit” in tight panties and having it stick out the side so as to rub my pants as I moved about. I had to wear panties all the time, even out and about. I had to wear a loose cotton garment over the panties to absorb any dripping, which was almost constant. Although she never said, I sensed she wanted me to shave my “pussy”, but she did suggest wearing makeup, hair things, high heels and wear lounging lingerie around the house. This would have been impossible during daytime due to my living situation. We had a temporary breakup and I kept my chastity for a while, then had to cum. I felt like I sinned in a way. We got back together and I told her I need her to stop me from daily masturbation. She promised me amazing orgasms if I followed her orders so I gave total control back to her. One morning she misunderstood something I did and was angry. I tried to explain, but she said we’d talk later, but I insisted to talk it out now. She got angrier and hung up. I was devastated. She wouldn’t believe me, so I cut off our relationship. Just went dark. She immediately sent an apology about how she misunderstood what I did but I didn’t answer for over a couple weeks. The damage was done and when I tried to get back with her, it wasn’t going to work. So, I’ve been using self control, remaining “celibate”. I did buy a lipstick because I was curious about using it, which I haven’t yet. One naughty thing I did was trimming my “pussy” hair. Slowly working towards leaving a patch around my “clit”. So I had to shave the stubble and now shave every day. Soon I’ll probably finish the job and mow the rest. It does feel good. I’ve been wearing some side tie panties a few days a week. Very sexy feeling, but made for a woman of course so they tend to slide down a bit. I’ve ordered more in larger sizes. I’m not gay and have never had homosexual feelings, but lately I’ve viewed “sissy” porn in between the regular stuff. I guess I could jerk a guy off but not anything else. Of course I never used to shave myself every day either. Still celibate. Before my shower, I use a massager on myself, really giving my “pussy” a workout but avoiding my “clit”. I shave in the shower and use the jet spray shower setting to give my “clit” some attention. After my shower I usually try on something sexy for a bit, then get dressed for the rest of the day. That’s where I am now. Not knowing how long I can remain celibate. The urge to get naughty and play with my “clit” is strong. I’ve been imagining my Dom still controlling me. Maybe she still is in a way. I’d be interested in any comments or suggestions any one would have. Any similar experiences ? Something I’m missing ? I would love communicating with men or women any age or orientation.