“Limits” is a word used to explain the acceptable range of play for an individual in the BDSM community. The main purpose of limits is to explain the lifestyle preferences of a person before starting a relationship. It ensures that all the rights, needs, and requirements are clearly understood by both the partners.

In fact, some of the people even decide to write down the limits in the shape of a contract, which describes the limitations and acceptable plays. Such contracts are beneficial in one way that there is no chance of misunderstanding the rules since they were available in a written form.

When the couple decides the limits, it is obvious that the Dom will not violate the decided terms or preferences. Further, it is also assumed that the Dom will try to extend or stretch the limits of his/her submissive. Both of these statements are completely opposite to each other.

The interesting thing about BDSM lifestyle is its constant contradictions. Those things where the submissive is most sensitive are the limits. In reality, the true reason of those limits is embarrassments, fears, shames, and pain. It is common for a sub to write a limit where she actually wants to go, but she can’t go there alone. Soft limits actually challenge the body, the spirit, the past and the mind. This is what soft limits are. Soft limits can be defined as,

“A limit, which actually means danger, not stops.”

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When a couple starts exploring each other to check the potential of their possible relationship, they will get engaged in intense talk. While talking, they will discuss the limits and plays that each is expecting from the other. During the discussion, you will also discuss the hard limits, which will never to be extended or stretched by the Dom.

Read More: What are the Silent Safewords?

Before entering into a relationship, it is very important to have a clear communication where both of you decide the terms and listen to each other carefully. If a submissive is describing their hard limits then the Dom needs to be very clear that these are the areas where he or she can’t go at any cost. After finalizing the hard limits, the discussion will move towards the Soft Limits.

Some Common Soft Limits

1. No play related to broken bones, permanent body markings or mutilation.
2. No water sports including feces or urine play since it is dangerous for health.
3. No air sports like choking, blockage of airways, etc.
4. No mental edge play or over humiliation.
5. No blood sports

Apart from these aspects, there are numerous plays which can be defined as limits such as suspension, bisexual, public scening, multiple scening, blindfolds, heights, gags, confined spaces, and a lot more. Actually, the options for Soft Limits are limitless.

Sometimes, a submissive does mention various limits with the knowledge that these will be tested and changed over the time. There are no such limits that remain constant except the Hard Limits. All the other limits can be changed with the passage of time as confidence build among the Dom and sub. It is often seen that submissive himself/herself asked the Dom to stretch a particular limit once she or he started trusting the Dom.

Most of the times, Dom likes to take their submissive where they don’t like to go and at least think that they can’t go beyond that limit. Communication is the best way to reduce the limits and it is the responsibility of the Dom to ensure that he/she stops immediately if his or her submissive is extremely uncomfortable. It should be the desire of every Dom to meet their submissives true needs and requirements. Play Safe and have fun!

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