Safewords in BDSM is a way to express that the scene is causing a serious problem and its must be stopped. Safewords are used by submissive and Dominants are well-aware about it.

Whenever, someone is involved in an activity that the potential to cause any type of damage either it is emotional or physical, there should be a way to stop this activity. The recipient of this activity should be able to stop the play if it gets too intense. This phenomenon applies in any situation. In fact, the Dom should provide the punishment according to the tolerance level of their sub.

Safewording is quite ineffective because most of the submissives don’t use them, since they don’t want to disappoint the Dom. Despite the extreme stress, the bottoms allow the Dom to continue the play.

Another possible reason why Safewords are not much used is “Sub space.” Sub Space is a state that is experienced while you are provided with the sensation. Medically, it is our body’s response to physical stress. Our brain releases some chemicals that convert the pain into extreme pleasure.

One problem with the sub space is that you are not able to report the state of your body once the hormones start flowing. A person in the sub space will never use a safeword. Then, should you leave the Safewords? No. But, also you can’t just rely on verbal responses from your submissive.

As a Dom, you need to read the silent signals of stress by your submissive. As soon as you find one of these signals, you need to cut the scene immediately. Here are some very obvious silent signals that you should understand:

Reduced Blood Circulation

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During a bondage play, if you notice that your bottom’s hands and feet are getting cold, it is a sign of low blood pressure. It is not a very serious condition, but it indicates that the bondage should be removed or at least reduced in next few minutes. Also, you may need to allow your submissive to move a little to restore the blood pressure.

If you ignore this indication, there is a chance of serious damage. Normally, I check the hands and feet of my bottom every five to ten minutes.

Deep Subspace

SubSpace is an addictive state. It is a part of the fun for the bottom. But, a sleep like state or loss of consciousness is a silent safeword. If you ever notice something like that, stop the play immediately. Lie her down comfortably and cover with a blanket. Don’t panic, it is okay but let her sleep now.

Read More: Appeasing a Submissive’s Fear of Desertion

Take the loss of consciousness seriously and make sure that she is breathing normally. Call for help, if you are not sure.

Sweating

The appearance of sweat on the chest, underarms, or back is very serious if the temperature of room is not very hot. This is not a strong signal to stop the play, but still it is better to back off a bit.

If you notice the sweating, ask the bottom that what is going on. Sweating is a signal if extreme stress and you should take it seriously.

If you are operating in an organized event, there must be a safe work like “House” or maybe “Red.” The “Red” safeword means the bottom is in serious trouble.  During a part event, if you hear a safeword but you are not the monitor, still you need to help. Remember, you are not saving a submissive from a monster; your job is actually to help the Dom deal with the problem.

In my whole life, I have never heard a safeword during a BDSM play. However, I had to stop various scenes due to silent Safewords (what I described above). In my lifetime experience, I have learned that you need to understand the silent Safewords more than verbal Safewords. Remember that trouble comes when you ignore the silent warning signs, not because of cruelty.

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